National Adoption Month: Otsego Woman Grows in Life as an Adoptee

Kim Hanauska, 40, of Otsego always knew she was adopted. She also felt it.

“My adoptive parents were supposed to adopt two kids from Korea, but in the midst of the adoption found out they were expecting, so they only adopted me,” she said. “They previously had been trying to have kids of their own but couldn’t. They went on to have four biological children after adopting me.”

That made it hard on Kim. Instead of growing up with someone like her, she would be surrounded by Scandinavians, making her feel different and alone.

It's not an unfamilar story. For every three or four successful adoption stories, there are difficult stories, such as Kim's. And though her adoption wasn't ideal, it did allow her to grow into a mother all her own. 

“I always felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb. I wanted to blend in so badly, and I just always felt like the adopted child,” she said.

Kim started searching for her birth mom when she turned 18 and had no luck. She picked up the search again when she was 21, then again before she married and once again before having children.

Finally, in 2009, she had a breakthrough with the agency in Korea.

“I’d been trying to work with an agency in Minnesota and really got nowhere. Finally once I reached out to the agency in Korea, everything clicked into place," she said.

Kim met her birth mom, now living in the United States, in 2009.

“I was really nervous and went into it with no expectations but it was so neat to look at someone finally and see physical resemblance.”

So many things clicked into place after that. Certain things she did or said made sense after meeting her birth mom.

"I had one traditional Korean outfit that my adoptive parents had mephotographed in as a child, and then I had my girls' pictures done. I showed my birth mom the pictures and she just cried. It was the first and last gift she ever gave me. She brought it to me for my first birthday before I was adopted," Kim said.

The way the search played out was probably for the best.

“I’m so glad it took me being 38 to meet her. Had it been earlier I don’t think I would have handled it the same,” Kim said.

The story of her childhood might explain why.

Once Kim met her birth mom she was able to hear “her” story. “My mom was in a relationship with an American soldier, he actually named me.” [Kim’s birth name was Regina.] My mom had planned on keeping me, and the plan had been that my birth father would send for us. Over time, my birth mom realized that it wasn’t going to happen and she gave me up when I was 8 or 9 months old.”

“I was part Caucasian and that was looked down upon very much in Korea so I think that was part of why she gave me up. She wanted me to have a better life.”

Kim’s adoptive mom passed away several years ago, and she doesn’t maintain a relationship with her adoptive father and two of her siblings.

“It is what it is,” she said. “It was hard. I hated being adopted.” 

As for her relationship with her birth mom and family, "we are working on it and figuring out who everyone is but I'm so glad I met her."