Parent Talk: When Strangers Aren't The Danger

The Penn State Sandusky sex scandal has been in headlines for over a week now. Sandusky wasn't a dark, scary looking stranger lurking in the alley. Instead, he was a well-known and trusted adult.

Those moms and dads that allowed their boys to spend time with, him whether it was through the Second Mile or whether it was as a coach or mentor, trusted him.

And the boys, the ones he abused, they did too. Why wouldn't they?

"Sex offenders are very good at what they do. They're in the position of power. Their attention, affection, slowly violates a child's boundaries," Alison Feigh, community safety specialist from the Jacob Wetterling Resource Center said in a recent article.

Did you know that most perpetrators are people that you know? We spend so much time talking with our kids and going over "stranger danger," but what about the people we trust–the ones closest to them?

Kelly Salzl, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Registered Play Therapist at in St. Michael shared some tips. She has experience working with both sex offenders and victims.

• The key for parents is to proactively communicate with their kids so they know it is both okay and important to talk with them about any uncomfortable feelings about someone or something happening to them.
• Things to look for with kids are changes in their behaviors. Children tend to “speak” through behaviors rather than using words. "Behavioral changes often precede physical symptoms as the first indicators of sexual abuse (American Humane Association Children's Division, 1993). Behavioral signs include nervous or aggressive behavior toward adults, sexual provocativeness before an appropriate age and the use of alcohol and other drugs."

"Most of the time, our children are just fine. It's O.K. to let them run outside and play, go to school, and look at toys in Target while you are one aisle over," Solutions Counseling Clinical Director Craig Rens said. "With that said, parents should proactively communicate that they should never, ever be afraid to tell if they feel something that is happening to them is not O.K. or wrong–no matter who that person may be."

In the end, go with your gut, and teach your kids to trust their gut. If someone makes you feel "icky," try to figure out why. If your kids are expressing disgust, apprehension, icky feelings about someone, listen.