Parent Talk: When They Don't Want To Go To School

The first day of school is always a day full of excitement and nervousness, a few tears may be shed and happy memories are made. But inevitably some kids will come home and say, "I'm not going back!"

Sometimes the second day of school becomes a challenge once the excitement has worn off. The second day of school blues.

Here's some tips from two local "experts" on school transitions.

Sheila Bichler, principal at has a couple suggestions.

"Let their teacher know they are struggling. Teachers and staff can ease the situation by asking another student to be friends with that child, eat lunch together or play together at recess," she suggests.

Another tip Bichler shared is the quick goodbye. "I know it’s hard but parents should bring their child and then leave. Usually those children who cry or cling to parents will adjust quickly."

Sheri Tesch, a therapist at had the following tips for back to school success.

• Parents need to let their children know that school is important and that they will help them “solve” the problems they are having at school but that they expect their children to attend regularly.
• Parents should talk with their child, find out what the problem is and what the child need to have happen to feel comfortable at his/her school.
• Coordinate with the classroom teacher; sometimes children express feelings of sadness/anxiety but do well during the course of the day.  It helps parents to identify if the problem is about separation or about something that is happening at school.
• Identify the source of the problem and together with your child and your child’s teacher, problems solve ways to reduce stress and anxiety on your child.
• Remember your role as a parent.  We are advocates for our children and our job is to empower them to solve problems and cope with stressors not to rush in and rescue.  When we rescue our children, we rob them of a chance to build confidence and to learn important problem solving skills.
• If the problem is academics, communicate with the teacher about ways you can support learning at home and interventions they are using in the classroom to support your child’s academic growth.  Continue to communicate with the teacher so that you know if the interventions are working or if you need to advocate for a higher level of intervention. 
• If the problem is with anxiety, teach your child how to use positive self-talk to decrease anxious feelings and increase confidence.  Remind them of similar experiences when they were able to manage their anxiety and be successful.  Help connect them identify and connect to an adult in the school, (a teacher, school nurse, social worker and/or school counselor) that your child can go to when they are feeling anxious. 
• If the problems are with peers, role-play ways to make friends, how to use your words and identify when it is time to ask an adult for help. 
• Most importantly, be aware of our own feelings as a parent.  It is not easy to watch our children struggle or experience difficult feelings.  Manage our own reactions and help our children feel confident in themselves and their ability to be successful. 

Later this month Tesch will be facilitating a parent and professional back to school parent discussion night.

Supporting your child’s Back to School Success – Tues, Sept. 25 from 6:30-8:00 p.m. at Discovery Center in Buffalo.  Training is free to parents and professionals.

Have the second day of school blues hit your child or family? Tell us in the comments.